the honest truth of who and where we are

maggies.  They are fascinating creatures.  All birds are really, it's just that maggies are huge ground dwellers for obvious reasons.  Being that they are so monogamous ,territorial, live in tribes etc, they are so interesting and easier to study. The new place we live, has a family of magpies that instantly took to me / us. Our last house was the same, they would come in and get their twice daily feed. We haven't set up a feeding routine here yet and I've been hesitating due to other people's input as to how bad it is for the birds. They claim that they will not survive in the wild if we feed them too much..... come off it, they are not dumb and reliant like us human beings. They come in for their feed morning and late afternoon, they also feed off of grubs etc all day everyday as well, so that theory I took as a possible threat to the maggies has been squashed to me. Our last Maggie family was the time of year when they (the parents) are weaning their babies.  I...

that word....... silence.  My brain shuts down for absolute silence. Not wanted silence though, it's a " no choice silence".  These are the days when I can't string a sentence of simple words or needs. I'm learning, discovering  and trying to accept what is actually going on rather than getting annoyed with it. I've had and still have so many unanswered questions though. Up until now, I couldn't understand why I would shut myself away at certain times. I knew I wasn't upset, tired or just being selfish. I knew what it wasn't , but I didn't know what it was.  It comes down to what part of the brain is being affected by swelling. Swelling is DEFINATELY triggered by stress. Doesn't have to be big stress to someone else, but big stress to me. Something that has been frustrating or traumatic causes major shut downs. Most have heard of dysarthria. It's when the muscles around your voice box and swallowing become inflamed. So it gives a whol...

It's the first signs you see when walking into a Centrelink office. (Human services) I want to write the for and against here as it's probably the easiest way of explaining the complex life as a welfare recipient that really and truly doesn't want to be.  I've considered not claiming welfare, but I need a roof over my head and food in my belly so it really wasn't an option. Why would I chose to give up my life and what a great one it was. Bloody good money, no household expenses (company provided home and utilities, even mobile phones) I had the luxury of 2400 acres, big electric gates that shut the world out each night and I job that I was so enthusiastic about that I looked forward to my days.  It suited me and my hyperactive nature. I got plenty of exercise in the field, got to use my brain and problem solve all the time, I had huge responsibilities and challenges. I love those things as it made me human and proud. My life in a nutshell was too perfect. It ...

The title sounds cold hey. But again it offers so much more to ourselves than we realise..... 1...We offer level headed advice that we Cant seem to offer to ourselves 2... Its a distraction and takes that "why me" away. 3... Their problem is usually very different to ours and if it's new, you realise the hard times of                        those early days of major struggle and not knowing how to manage it The list goes on.  I don't want to turn this into a corporate peice of writing as it's so not.  Every mans burden is the heaviest. Wether it be health, finances, relationships, mourning etc, they are all very life changing as you've had to loose something and in some cases re discover or re direct our path. The yellow brick road is a fairy tale. My brick road is very hilly and has lots of cracks in it that make me trip over.  The more you travel thus path, the easier it gets in some ways. ...

Ever feel like there's just too much in your brain and these messages keep popping up saying "remove data, memory full" ? That's me at the moment. I'm even struggling to breathe cos of storage full issues. My brain is running around in circles looking for something because it's forgotten so much My intestines have been blocked with some plumbing issue. I think the roots from my brain are growing into the wind pipes. My feet are constantly curled li 🔝🔝🔝 have a look at the irony here.   See what my fucking life is like.  Beam me up Scotty ! Right......... back to the article. My feet are constantly curled like I've forgotten I've  got stockings on and trying to insert an oversized tampon. I'm ringing telstra, foxtel, CGU insurance and other places just for the fun of listening, pressing buttons and hanging up because I've accidentally pressed 5 instead of 2.  Explaining to people that I am traini...

its scientific fact..... the moments in death are the most precious or most devious. DMT is released throughout your body to ensure this happens and there ain't no way of escaping it. It's your last rights almost. It's what stays FOREVER. SO, if you have been a good girl or a bad girl, this is where the eternity lies. All important factors of your life are in your face when passing through to the next realm or eternity. It happens over a minute or two, but that's an illusion. It's actually now there forever.  Do you want to die in peace ?  Or is it too damned late for you. Hard horrible words hey. But isn't that what we're being taught now ? Threats, bullying, power, money, ego, god let's even chuck in the fact we are under such a dishonest corrupt government that they are more or less teaching all that that's how you MUST be to survive. Strap ya money to your body But is that even safe ?  Not for the mayor in queensland that just got caug...

ok, I'm actually lost for words at the moment. Shocked. Don't know wether to laugh or cry. This is to be continued when I can actually get my head around what happened with centerlink on Wednesday the 14th of June. It's either going to be just a straight forward explanation or a bit of a funny way to look at it.  The fact of being honest under a dishonest government is like trying to convince somebody something is pink when it's actually black. Let's face it, we all interpret life the way we see it. So a dishonest narcissistic person sees life as dishonest and gets off on bullying etc. Somebody that's honest doesn't and can't play the dishonesty game in life. Sadly..... the honest loose. We are the minimalists now TO BE CONTINUED. ..................

Rob, MY WHOLE LOTTA LOVE. if there's one thing I want to take with me, rob knows what that is.....  Fluffies. Every girl, lady or woman wants a man. No not a male, a man. And a man is what I got. At 27 and round two as far as relationships go, I got this one right, so right that it helped my soul grow and develop into womanhood.  I met this man not knowing what we were in for. A lot can't be put down on paper, but I bet he's smiling right now with that very comment. We were thrown into a world of the unknown, or maybe it was just me. Scaring away lots of boogeymen and me doing things that I've only ever seen in movies. I'm lucky that I'm not in jail. When I met rob, I met real love, real passion and a real man. I was safe with rob and our love was glowing. People used to stare all the time and I never understood why. A few friends explained that it was if fireworks were going off around rob and I, our love and energy glowed and it was as...

When asked a question that requires a number as an answer, mine has always been 7. It's actually a laughing joke.   NOT FOR THIS STORY THOUGH. But, hey.   What can you really do but fight, enjoy and be positive. My disease is called malignant demylenation disease. Unfortunately good old number 7 in the variants below. MS variants explained The first subtype of multiple sclerosis is the relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (RR MS), the most common form of the autoimmune disorder. According to statistics, more than 80 percent of all multiple sclerosis cases are of the relapsing-remitting subtype. This subtype is characterized by phases of symptomatic remission, followed by phases of relapse (characterized by sudden intensification of symptoms). The duration of the phases of relapse and remission vary from a patient to another, lasting anywhere from several weeks to several years. The second subtype of multiple sclerosis - primary-progressive multiple sclerosis (PP...

number one is cranberry juice. I mix 1 part cranberry juice to 3 parts water maximum. I consume on average 1.5 to 2.5 liters a day.   If I have any major upsets, i.e., bladder, kidney, gastrointestinal etc I do a 50/50 mix and get stuck in.   For about 4 years I've been doing this and I suppose started taking it for granted how much it actually balanced my internal inflammation and acid levels.  This is where you realize stuffing shit up in life actually teaches you lessons and lessons of more than one purpose. I started purchasing an inferior brand of cranberry juice from the latest new supermarket trying to beat our traditional safe ones. This was equating to $1.80 per liter instead of $3 to $4 per liter.   Woo hoo, was I getting sick very very rapidly. I couldn't work out why..... ok I've just moved house, that is a guaranteed feeling of being out of sorts, I haven't been doing my normal routine of what I call " talking to life", I haven't been doing my...

Of late I haven't been my normal self. What's normal? Well, nothing for me. However, I always start and do most things these days with routine or familiarity. It truly helps to minimize stress from the frustration of getting confused, forgetting what I'm doing and keeps the old brain fog at a functional level. Of course my day instantly starts with routine (this being 2 to 3am) my eyes opening to getting to the kettle has become robotic and easy now. Or easier for me, hard for someone that would suddenly wake up with such a disorder.  Ultimately, it's silly little life hacks I put in place that gets me through. I've had to be very self disciplined which in itself has been a culture shock, but a much needed one. My day has started with a bit of a spiritual type scenario I suppose you could call it. Once getting to the balcony or now the big queenslander windows, I look up to the sky and say hi to my loved ones. My beloved and present. This event is very well explai...

People walking through the  MS House  will be able to see and feel things from a different, and often difficult, perspective. For a short while, as they walk through guided by headset audio, they can better understand what multiple sclerosis is all about. The living room (Photo by Andreea Antonovici) A TV displaying half-definition pictures is used to illustrate vision problems. An armchair that’s set very low to the floor demonstrates the difficulty of getting up from a chair due to leg strength issues and fatigue. A sign explains that  MS fatigue is like sitting down, and you’re so tired that you can’t get up again 1 . An inflatable mattress is on the floor to simulate how someone with MS has difficulty balancing while walking and may be very wobbly. The kitchen A heavy coffee mug and an unbalanced tray are used to demonstrate fatigue symptoms. The study room (Photo by Andreea Antonovici) A “jumbled” computer keyboard simulates how cognitive probl...

it takes along time to diagnose ms. It's a strange little thing that tricks you all the time.  You know those days when you're booked in for a haircut because your hair has become so unruly and messy looking. The day you get up and get ready for your hairdresser appointment, you look in the mirror and think, shit, my hair looks great this length. It's actually starting to suit me.  You get on the blower and cancel your hairdresser appointment and give your hair ONE more chance. This is what ms does in the early days. Cancelled Dr appointments constantly. You feel like a real bloody lunatic. Why have I felt like death again for the past three days,only to wake up and it's like it was never there.  Oooh, those wonderful early days of ms. When I did go to the doctors and explain what I'd been through, blood tests and other new tests would be performed with results coming back saying " shit, she's one very healthy young lady". Then after a year or two...

This is exactly how I feel and I'm constantly apologizing to so many. I get tired up pulling the ms card, but it's true. From an excellent ms blogger, I had to share My Apologies SHARE RATE ★ ★ ★ ★ ★   By  Ashley Ringstaff —June 2, 2017   ABOUT THE AUTHOR      VIEW ALL POSTS BY ASHLEY RINGSTAFF  As I was getting to my computer so I could sit down and write this, before I forgot, I made my first apology. I apologized to the end table that I repeatedly run in to with my toes. Yes, I am now apologizing to it, because I feel that I have caused it a lot of damage for jumping out in front of me all the time. Now, on a serious note, I wanted to write a big apology, for those I have been abrupt with, rude, snippy, etc. Since I can’t remember things I have said or done to everyone I have come across that meant well, I just wanted to write one big apology and try to explain why I reacted the way I did. I’m Sorry for… To...

This area is for just those occasional thoughts that seem so small, but when you really dissect it, it's had or having huge effects on my life. Tuesday 6th of June 2017.... I remember writing something positive on somebody's social media account that was probably way to airy fairy for their way of thinking.  No insult here, we are all different and it's important that we are. Anyway, normally when I reflect on a situation like this, I start thinking " oh crap, that's probably so confusing to them, and they probably think I'm high or mentally challenged".   I always speak from the heart and struggled with others Accepting this......  well, today I've just discovered or had an aah moment, I don't know.  I no longer knock myself. If they can't accept me for me, well that's their business, not mine.  God I'd go insane trying to please the world.  Of course this goes with common sense too.  If I wrote something quite nasty or effectively ...

Damned if you do, Damned if you don't This hut that is hexed Fall victim I won't I'm here to hold hands Not higher nor lower This community we live in Need not the horn blower. Our threats are but zero If we live it that way Forever I'll be here Forever I will stay No monger can scare me With what life has already dealt I'm a giver not taker But I can whip out thy belt So as you may see  With the attention you pay I come here in peace Let's leave it that way We reap what we sow And with it I say That karma is out there It's coming your way I'm told "You are lucky" in so many ways I am no victim and pity I despise I've had my fair share like everybody else To rise stronger and wiser is the memory that stays I need not change Or be angered by some May my life be untainted With the powers that come I'm honest and pure As pure as the day Hey why not come ...

I'm finding shit really wierd. people you hardly know, want to know everything about your life. Some of the questions, your own children don't even know the truth of. the hardship, endurance and outright struggle to survive is always about a different motive to someone else. somebody, somewhere sitting in a dark office making decisions about you, yet they have never met you and have lost all your medical records or claim to have never received them. i want to stay clean......   knowing that decisions I make based on my life, will NEVER effect somebody else.  I don't want the burden of being "successful" making life hard or harder for somebody else.  Just leave me in this little world of multiple sclerosis.  just let me decide if my glass is half full or half empty. just let me get by each day with the multitude of struggles just STOP putting more hurdles in my path just trust me to speak the truth as I am the only one to pay for   ...

Give an inch, take a mile Please don't rob me As giving is my style Life's but a lesson I will stay the same Learning to draw the line So I can stay in the game I will pick you up  And dust you down But with ms I can't stick around Way too much Has been stolen from me Ms is my teacher Ms it shall be It's a disease of the nerves That takes away all I have tried to beat it But with it I fall It's taught me so much Of what's important to me Of what people are about Sad but true, integrity It's 2 am I'm up in pain It's the latest problem They never stay the same The doctors they ask What is your symptom I whip out a book Tell them to get reading, cause this roller coast ride changes by the minute. I cant plan, I miss out on my grandchildren, I'm constantly being treated like a criminal through establishment rules for help  yet am still praying for it.  Whoops, that botto...