Sleepless Thoughts:
In bed at night, I lay awake. I feel the pain coursing through my body, as I lay in wait. I wait for relief from my meds that never comes, thinking about what I have lost and how I am shunned. There’s a mask I wear that fools all of you, you may think I’m funny and happy but I’m really blue. A constant battle rages in my mind, sensory overload happens all the time. I feel everything around me as well as within, I know pain so well, as though it is kin. Days blend together that it’s hard to tell which one is which, is my mind playing tricks on me or just a temporary glitch.
I still mourn the old me though she is long gone, memories fade of when I was healthy and when my body was strong. I no longer remember a day without pain, pain has erased that, though I may look the same. I have dwindling hopes of ever being pain free, procedures and medications have been disappointing to me. I ask myself, how much longer before I lose all hope, as well as in the end, how well will I cope. How much more of this pain can my body endure, before my mind breaks and I need more meds for life to ensure. I don’t know the role that I’m suppose to play anymore. I have to sit and wait to see what life has in-store.
Anxiety, rage and depression are growing faster than before, I’m not sure how long I can hold them back anymore. I do my best but I always fall short, the pain rushing through me makes my body contort. This is not how I thought that my life would be, filled with so much pain and agony. Everyday is a battle between body and mind, I never felt pains such as this, making it impossible to unwind. One thought leads to another and so forth and so on, the battles I win makes me feel not all hope gone. I’m losing more than I’m winning and the meds just don’t seem to work, it’s as though somebody is playing with my life’s strings, always plucking, a constant jerk.
This is but a small glimpse of what I go through everyday, my soul tells me to stay strong and my faith to pray. I’ve done all I can do, I’m tired and fried. I have no more tears to shed, I couldn’t shed one if I tried. Pain has drained my life’s essence, making me look older than I am. Still, with blank expressions on my face, I try to do what I can. There are many others like me who can relate and express the same. This is just a fraction of, life with chronic pain.
Please note, this was written by another sufferer to which I asked permission to share.
In bed at night, I lay awake. I feel the pain coursing through my body, as I lay in wait. I wait for relief from my meds that never comes, thinking about what I have lost and how I am shunned. There’s a mask I wear that fools all of you, you may think I’m funny and happy but I’m really blue. A constant battle rages in my mind, sensory overload happens all the time. I feel everything around me as well as within, I know pain so well, as though it is kin. Days blend together that it’s hard to tell which one is which, is my mind playing tricks on me or just a temporary glitch.
I still mourn the old me though she is long gone, memories fade of when I was healthy and when my body was strong. I no longer remember a day without pain, pain has erased that, though I may look the same. I have dwindling hopes of ever being pain free, procedures and medications have been disappointing to me. I ask myself, how much longer before I lose all hope, as well as in the end, how well will I cope. How much more of this pain can my body endure, before my mind breaks and I need more meds for life to ensure. I don’t know the role that I’m suppose to play anymore. I have to sit and wait to see what life has in-store.
Anxiety, rage and depression are growing faster than before, I’m not sure how long I can hold them back anymore. I do my best but I always fall short, the pain rushing through me makes my body contort. This is not how I thought that my life would be, filled with so much pain and agony. Everyday is a battle between body and mind, I never felt pains such as this, making it impossible to unwind. One thought leads to another and so forth and so on, the battles I win makes me feel not all hope gone. I’m losing more than I’m winning and the meds just don’t seem to work, it’s as though somebody is playing with my life’s strings, always plucking, a constant jerk.
This is but a small glimpse of what I go through everyday, my soul tells me to stay strong and my faith to pray. I’ve done all I can do, I’m tired and fried. I have no more tears to shed, I couldn’t shed one if I tried. Pain has drained my life’s essence, making me look older than I am. Still, with blank expressions on my face, I try to do what I can. There are many others like me who can relate and express the same. This is just a fraction of, life with chronic pain.
Please note, this was written by another sufferer to which I asked permission to share.
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