Everything is nothing
well of late I'm going through massive transformation.
Yes, I've been chronically I'll so much for about 6 months. The longest a relapse or bout has ever lasted. I kept praying and pleading for some relief. Why me why, why, why ?......
Looking back, I was unsettled and trying to convince myself that I should be. I almost felt greedy for wanting more out of life. Not more money or more of materialistic value. I wanted more happiness.
Happiness doesn't just appear dear lindy, you have to create it and shun all negativity diligently.
Look, I don't know if it's a combination, but I honestly feel that moving to gympie queensland has helped me through my transition. The people you meet here are almost, I don't know...... vibrational and beautiful. Yes you still get the odd robotic type people just moving through life and doing what is expected and accepted, but generally they are far outweighed here in divine gympie. I still offer these people my energy, but have almost down packed there negative or emotional state to effect me within. Real estate people, telstra and a few other corporation monstrosities still bring out that bad bad in me. Something to work on. Admittedly though, they don't effect me any where near as much or for very long anymore. So I must be unconsciously learning not to carry the bullshit they play.
Life is not a game of winning or cat and mouse, it's really just about moving through gently and quietly. Leaving foot prints that are significant.
I look forward to the 2040 generation. These little people are taught technology and nature. They are being taught to incorporate the two and have them work together rather than one effecting the other.
What ever you take you need to put back. The common theory of the water well.
I'm in the garden nearly every day. I normally just intend to potter and take it easy as my pain is at its highest ever. Moving or laying tends to ease it. I still can't or won't do sick. ( except when severe and no choice is given). My energy levels are ridiculously high, but this is what got me to sick in the first place so I really need to be aware of what my body says to me now. But I still tend to ignore it mostly. When I know I have to just move around slowly and just be in the sun for energy and vitamin d, I start off really well. By the end of the day, I think, well I still didn't stick to my plan of listening, because I switched off to pain yet again and now I'm paying the price. This is where I know what the routine needs to be. Eat something nourishing, try and move or do yoga for an hour to help the food digest some beecause I'm going to crash at around 5 pm for the day/ night.
So, I'm learning parts of my needs. Don't eat and lay down...... this puts me in bed for 3 or more days. My digestive system suffers so greatly that it makes my body shuts down to heal that part and sometimes it just won't. This really kick starts the sick process so I now know it's a big no no. Also, if I am down for the count, I eat minimally and generally very much clear fluids, broth, jelly. That sort of stuff. A trick the hospital visits have taught me.
I'm having really amazing moments with nature of late. I have a bird in the garden (this is not rare, everywhere I've lived, birds tend to follow and flock with me). I've called him sing along. I don't know what sort of bird he is though. He follows me most days in the garden and sits above me singing absolutely beautiful bird songs. They are not the annoying same sound singing, they are unique and peaceful every time. I'm thinking it's some sort of native minor. If they exist. Since Sunday the 27th of August, I have this butterfly that is black with pretty pink markings that started by flying to my left shoulder, kissing it and dancing around me. It was actually rob that noticed it to begin with. The next day every where I was in the garden he'd appear with a dance and almost playful type invite. On Tuesday, he (I call him he, don't know why it just seems right), anyway, he was playing in the light sprays of water when I was watering. I actually giggle at him and find myself talking to him. How mesmerising this butterfly is. I believe they only live for a month or so in this transformation so I'm really hoping that he sticks with me to his finally visit here on earth.
So back to the title. EVERYTHING IS NOTHING. Today, this morning I realised and remembered my thoughts when my mum died.
I watched my mum in my more mature years strive so hard for materialistic happiness. It never came through really because the next part of this cycle was guilt, stress or whatever this massive spending of short term happiness gave her. The next part always came with the American Express bill that was holding her short term happiness. I'd watch her go into a spiral of downward happiness and major stress. Money would then become so tight that it often ended in arguments with my dad and mum. Now don't get me wrong here, she was an excellent money manager at the end of the day. The part that blew me away was when both my parents had died ( in a matter of 15 months apart) mum 52 and dad 57. I landed with all these prize possessions. The very things that mum seemed to live for. They were boxed away for a very long time as I had no value to these very expensive and priceless pieces. I felt obligated to hold them for her....... then one day, it was almost like a message. "These are my past dear linda, they are of no value and do not represent me or my happiness. MOVE ON. I gave them to my aunt my mums sister, she had a respect for these valuable items and would cherish them dearly. Now they were in the right hands and would be looked after forever.
So, in a nutshell or to summarise..... don't sweat the material things, they can kill you inside (not always). You can't take them with you. They are just left behind as nothing. Nothing of life's importance or happiness for existence.
I'm actually grateful that I am more practical in my style of living. I do have collections of materialistic generally cheaper things. Frog collection, or generally things that tell a story of past generations. You know, old baked enamel signs that were around as kids. I don't have any royal doulton displays that nobody is allowed to touch..... you can touch anything of mine as it's all just stuff. Stuff that is replaceable tomorrow.
Yes, I've been chronically I'll so much for about 6 months. The longest a relapse or bout has ever lasted. I kept praying and pleading for some relief. Why me why, why, why ?......
Looking back, I was unsettled and trying to convince myself that I should be. I almost felt greedy for wanting more out of life. Not more money or more of materialistic value. I wanted more happiness.
Happiness doesn't just appear dear lindy, you have to create it and shun all negativity diligently.
Look, I don't know if it's a combination, but I honestly feel that moving to gympie queensland has helped me through my transition. The people you meet here are almost, I don't know...... vibrational and beautiful. Yes you still get the odd robotic type people just moving through life and doing what is expected and accepted, but generally they are far outweighed here in divine gympie. I still offer these people my energy, but have almost down packed there negative or emotional state to effect me within. Real estate people, telstra and a few other corporation monstrosities still bring out that bad bad in me. Something to work on. Admittedly though, they don't effect me any where near as much or for very long anymore. So I must be unconsciously learning not to carry the bullshit they play.
Life is not a game of winning or cat and mouse, it's really just about moving through gently and quietly. Leaving foot prints that are significant.
I look forward to the 2040 generation. These little people are taught technology and nature. They are being taught to incorporate the two and have them work together rather than one effecting the other.
What ever you take you need to put back. The common theory of the water well.
I'm in the garden nearly every day. I normally just intend to potter and take it easy as my pain is at its highest ever. Moving or laying tends to ease it. I still can't or won't do sick. ( except when severe and no choice is given). My energy levels are ridiculously high, but this is what got me to sick in the first place so I really need to be aware of what my body says to me now. But I still tend to ignore it mostly. When I know I have to just move around slowly and just be in the sun for energy and vitamin d, I start off really well. By the end of the day, I think, well I still didn't stick to my plan of listening, because I switched off to pain yet again and now I'm paying the price. This is where I know what the routine needs to be. Eat something nourishing, try and move or do yoga for an hour to help the food digest some beecause I'm going to crash at around 5 pm for the day/ night.
So, I'm learning parts of my needs. Don't eat and lay down...... this puts me in bed for 3 or more days. My digestive system suffers so greatly that it makes my body shuts down to heal that part and sometimes it just won't. This really kick starts the sick process so I now know it's a big no no. Also, if I am down for the count, I eat minimally and generally very much clear fluids, broth, jelly. That sort of stuff. A trick the hospital visits have taught me.
I'm having really amazing moments with nature of late. I have a bird in the garden (this is not rare, everywhere I've lived, birds tend to follow and flock with me). I've called him sing along. I don't know what sort of bird he is though. He follows me most days in the garden and sits above me singing absolutely beautiful bird songs. They are not the annoying same sound singing, they are unique and peaceful every time. I'm thinking it's some sort of native minor. If they exist. Since Sunday the 27th of August, I have this butterfly that is black with pretty pink markings that started by flying to my left shoulder, kissing it and dancing around me. It was actually rob that noticed it to begin with. The next day every where I was in the garden he'd appear with a dance and almost playful type invite. On Tuesday, he (I call him he, don't know why it just seems right), anyway, he was playing in the light sprays of water when I was watering. I actually giggle at him and find myself talking to him. How mesmerising this butterfly is. I believe they only live for a month or so in this transformation so I'm really hoping that he sticks with me to his finally visit here on earth.
So back to the title. EVERYTHING IS NOTHING. Today, this morning I realised and remembered my thoughts when my mum died.
I watched my mum in my more mature years strive so hard for materialistic happiness. It never came through really because the next part of this cycle was guilt, stress or whatever this massive spending of short term happiness gave her. The next part always came with the American Express bill that was holding her short term happiness. I'd watch her go into a spiral of downward happiness and major stress. Money would then become so tight that it often ended in arguments with my dad and mum. Now don't get me wrong here, she was an excellent money manager at the end of the day. The part that blew me away was when both my parents had died ( in a matter of 15 months apart) mum 52 and dad 57. I landed with all these prize possessions. The very things that mum seemed to live for. They were boxed away for a very long time as I had no value to these very expensive and priceless pieces. I felt obligated to hold them for her....... then one day, it was almost like a message. "These are my past dear linda, they are of no value and do not represent me or my happiness. MOVE ON. I gave them to my aunt my mums sister, she had a respect for these valuable items and would cherish them dearly. Now they were in the right hands and would be looked after forever.
So, in a nutshell or to summarise..... don't sweat the material things, they can kill you inside (not always). You can't take them with you. They are just left behind as nothing. Nothing of life's importance or happiness for existence.
I'm actually grateful that I am more practical in my style of living. I do have collections of materialistic generally cheaper things. Frog collection, or generally things that tell a story of past generations. You know, old baked enamel signs that were around as kids. I don't have any royal doulton displays that nobody is allowed to touch..... you can touch anything of mine as it's all just stuff. Stuff that is replaceable tomorrow.
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